Passions

What's your passion? What are your passions? What are you passionate about? I feel like I get these questions constantly as of late. And I have to stop and think: well, what are my passions.

As of now, here are some:
--watching movies
--reading articles in magazines
--scoping out Facebook
--going out to dinner
--making dinner
--going outside for a run
--drinking orange juice with my breakfast
--checking my gmail
--wearing pajamas

Hmm, these don't really sound much like passions, now do they?

Rick and I got into a pretty big argument tonight about the "pace" of our lifestyles. He's much more intense than I am. Take tonight for example, I got home after a long, energetic 9-hour day working with 39 third graders, and thought, "You know, it'd be fun to use that Olive Garden gift card we have." He, more or less immediately shut it down.
"We went out for drinks Friday with Leeann, spent a whole day skiing yesterday, and went out for dinner last night, too. Don't you want to wait awhile before going out again?"

I should say yes. I mean, I do get his point. He said I reminded him of the worst of his students, always needing to be constantly entertained. And he's right. I do need to be constantly entertained. And after working for nine hours straight, I need someone else to do the entertaining--like my Netflix. I need to relax. Listen to Pandora radio. Slow the fuck down.

You see, that's the hard thing about being in relationships. Getting on the same rhythm as your partner. After a little more than three years, I'm still working on it. A constant push-and-pull of needs and wants and compromises and let's do this now then do this later.

Part of the problem is--yes, I do need some stronger passions.

I'm going to watch an Improv Group perform all on my own on Wednesday. Huh. Sounds funny, doesn't it? All. On. My. Own. It kind of freaked me out at first. The idea of going someplace by...myself! I used to do that all the time. Nowadays, most outings are usually duets. But yes--it's a passion of mine--improv theater, guerilla theater, and it's about time I do something about it.

Having a passion--something you can claim, cling to--is indeed important. For when I think of Rick--when just about anyone who really knows him thinks about him--a string of images pops through their minds: books, magazines, writing, pictures, running, trains, cooking--the list goes on, but is known.

When people think of me, I think they think this: tap dancing, writing songs, guerilla theater, food--and then I kind of stop. What is linked to me? How do people define me. But even more important than that: how do I define myself. That's what I'll be working on.

Damn--you spend a whole day at work to help others, only to come home and have to work on yourself for the rest of the night.